Saying sorry alludes to having good manners, or does it?
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there are different types of apologies.
I'd like to focus on the:
o I am sorry for running late, or sorry I ate the last piece of ... , or sorry for not putting the toilet seat down, or sorry I didn't text you back, or sorry can you repeat what you just said, I wasn't focused.
Even though they can sometimes be genuine apologies, they generally aren't.
These are merely just excuses for not going through an explanation of what really happened. It's sort of a predictive counter argument tactic for an expected accusation.
However, it doesn't mean any genuine remorse or actual apology.
90% of the time it just means "Shut up! and let's get on with our lives"
Let's face it - neither you nor me where sorry when we said that!
As far as I can remember I was taught to say "Sorry" & "Thank You" as much as possible ... to the extent that it has become a habit. With saying "Thank you"; no harm is done in saying it enough times.
However, for Sorries it's a different story, its supposed to symbolize a sincere self promice that it would not be repeated.
Let me put it to you this way; consider Mark Zuckerberg's most recent answer with regards to him wearing similar grey shirts to work everyday - where he basically explained that he wanted to clear his life from all those little daily decisions so that he is able to make as few decisions as possible about anything except how to serve FB.
To a large extent I agree with Mark - but unfortunately this can explain other things in life as well - especially the "Sorry, not sorry" state of mind.
Meaning to say, most people (me being one of them) that decide not to face others with the truth (that they aren't sorry) unconsciously see you as just another grey shirt, where they can't be bothered to waste their mental abilities on - so they'd be able to focus on their own life distractions.
Thus, they use a simple "sorry" excuse, to get it over with.
Yet, once you realize that you have been doing this unconsciously for so long, only then, are you able to consciously choose between 2 things:
- You are truly sorry (yay! humanity thanks you)
- You are not (so, don't say it)
The people within are lives should not be dealt with as being "grey shirts" - there should be a more deeper and a more genuine relationship between individuals, no matter how brief it is.
So don't get me wrong. I am not trying to say that people shouldn't apologize nor be respectful of others.
Nor people shouldn't find ways to overcome arguments.
I am saying that we are living in a world that is said to be more open than it has ever been in the history of man kind (with proof of Tim cook's recent statement and Kim Kardashians photos). Then why say something we do not mean - to people that mean to us. Being open entitles us to speak our minds out and truthfully say/stand to what we believe in. No matter how simple it is.
There is a misconception that apologizing in itself has anything to do with being well mannered - apologies should be the last step marking the end of a certain undesirable behavior or incident. On the other hand, well manners are connected to being truthful and being credible - and having that is really powerful - so it's not about apologizing, it's about acknowledging the mistake (if,any) - its the process that lead you up to the apology and the following gestures that matter.
That's the sort of thing, I'd like to think of myself teaching my future son.
Don't say sorry, if you are not.
If you have a contradicting opinion, share it (humbly and respectfully).
Closing with a question with regards to the new Whatsapp's "blue ticks" (marking conversations as read and received). Instant messaging shapes and connects our lives and that's great. But the next time someone writes to you, and you consciously decide to ignore it for a couple of hours/days for absolutely no reason at all ... what will your starting sentence be, when you do decide to respond? :P